Learning To Share.

I have spent the last week, at least bits and pieces of it, teaching my daughter to share, to relinquish her thievishly acquired doohickey’s from around the house– basically anything she can get her hands on. I was shocked a few weeks ago when visiting family in Pennsylvania when my daughter refused to return an item to her aunt after she snatched it off the kitchen table. Thinking that she did not want to give up her prize to a “stranger,” I asked for Taylor to hand over the item to me. She refused. My wife’s pleading request quickly followed. My daughter, again, refused. I was appalled, embarrassed. Taylor, our daughter, continued her selfish little hoarding of objects throughout our stay, to our consternation.

One of my sister-in-laws attributed Taylor’s act of selfish behavior, which I happen to find not only enlightening but also mind-blowing, to the consequences of original sin. Original sin, if one can take a step back with me in time for a moment to the days of catechism class with Sister what’s-her-face, is the Christian belief that humanity’s original parents, Adam and Eve, disobeyed God’s one law given to them at the beginning of humanity: do not eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Adam and Eve disobeyed (please do not get hung up on who tempted whom). When they disobeyed they committed the first sin, the original sin. Consequently, their “fall” caused sin to enter the universe for the first time and Adam and Eve were ejected from the Garden of Eden, never to return. We, all of humanity, are now born of sin and must (I’m cutting a few steps out here) accept Christ as our Savior if we want to enter heaven.

Romans 3:22-26: "Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God. To declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.

But until Taylor has the cognitive ability to choose between right and wrong, it is our responsibility as her parents to teach, educate, indoctrinate, or drill the difference into her tiny little head; for, as I have already explained, she, as with everyone, is naturally inclined to be selfish. I have resisted the temptation to exchange item for item: a toy for the car keys, a cracker for grandma’s reading glasses, to cure her of her greedy covets. I have seen the predictable consequences of the tit-for-tat teaching. Too often that mindset evolves into the belief that doing the right thing is an option, not an obligation; and I want Taylor to learn the opposite.

To break her of her newly acquired habit of feverously clutching and refusing to let go of those items she has touched, last week I began offering her desirous objects, such as small stuffed animals and plastic, reflective trinkets, for her to hold. Then, calmly and with open palm, I would ask for them back. At first I received nothing, no abatement. In time however, slowly, steadily, wearily, the object was passed back to my waiting hands. “Hooray!” I praised. “Good girl,” I said with jubilation as I briskly rubbed her back and smiled ear to ear. I repeated this activity, continuously, until we both tired of the game. My scheme worked. She was learning to share.

I have incorporated the lessons I learned from teaching Taylor how to share (note: teaching life-long skills are never taught in one or two sittings. I imagine we’ll be prompting Taylor to share with others for a while) into other lessons as well: building walls using rubber blocks, taking apart Lego blocks, and opening and closing the small plastic door on one of her toys. Taylor is learning; I’m learning too.

I was told early on that parenting is a whole lot of common sense mixed with trial and error. While I have found this to be true, I have also found that common sense has a sneaky way of revealing itself after, and only after, one has floundered with folly for a little bit. Teaching Taylor to share was obvious, but how to properly do it was another. Parenting is not easy. It seems that no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I reflect some things workout all right and some need more attention. Thank God this lesson worked.