Decoding The Cry.

I’ve noticed over the last few postings I’ve mentioned that Taylor cries a little now and again. It strikes me as odd that until now I have offered little advise on how to decode those cries. Since, as I’ve read and been told, every baby behaves a little differently, one may want to take what I have to say on the subject of crying with some reservation. However, the five categories of crying my wife and I have witnessed are supported by a number of texts (primarily the What to Expect… series), friends, and family members.

We have found, through personal experience and research, that babies have five distinct types of crying: The hungry cry, the overtired cry, the boredom cry, the pain cry, and the sick cry. Each cry, if one is able to hold back long enough to observe, which is never easy, especially in the beginning, is accompanied by several recognizable physical behaviors, which can help in understanding the type of cry and the steps one can take to decipher the crying riddle. While I am not attempting to write a definitive analysis on the subject, I offer an aid, a cheat-sheet of sorts, to decoding the cry.

The hungry cry: This cry, as with many of the cries, usually starts with a few visual clues before the actual crying begins. When Taylor is hungry she has a tendency to become overly loving and affectionate: she will run or crawl from across the room, chattering in delight, throw out her arms to be picked up or claw her way into your lap and hold on tight. This is inevitably followed by a “puppy dog” stare, face rubbing from one side of her face to the other in your shirt, and finger sucking, lip smacking, or her chewing, called rooting, on your shirt. We have found that if these visual clues are missed Taylor quickly becomes impatient, antsy and fussy– just before she begins a singsong type cry. The cry begins “short and low-pitched…that rises and falls rhythmically and has a pleading quality to it.” Depending on how hungry she is, the visual clues may come several minutes before the crying starts; once the crying starts it quickly progresses from “I’m hungry” to “damn it, feed me!”

The overtired, uncomfortable, or “damn it, feed me” cry: This cry can cause confusion and we have found ourselves, more than once, fumbling through the list of possible solutions to stop the cry: trying to burp her, trying to feed her, checking if she is too hot or cold, checking her diaper, etc., etc., etc. before finally figuring out what Taylor demands. This cry, by far, is the most frustrating cry. By the time one finally figures out what the original complaint is it’s often too late. There are multiple issues one must address. For example, just the other week we were at the beginning of a long car ride. Taylor gave us several physical clues to her hunger. We, unfortunately, forgot to pack her bottle’s nipple. By the time we stopped and purchased a new nipple Taylor was very hungry, very hot, and soaking wet from crying. The inevitable exertion from crying on her bladder helped her to pee, a lot! And because we woke her before she normally rises she was overtired and did not want to sit in her car seat any longer. The overtired and uncomfortable cry begins as a whiny, continuous cry that quickly escalates into a full-blown ranting of shrieks and shrills.

The boredom cry: Also known as the manipulative cry. The first time I experienced the boredom cry was two days after Taylor turned six-months-old. We were in the car heading home from my parent’s house when, about an hour into our drive, I heard her begin to coo. What does a coo sound like? Take a deep breath and audibly yawn. During the exhalation, and just before the noise you are making stops, is what a coo sounds like. A baby’s coo is that same sound held at a continuous pitch for two or three seconds, intermittent with a pause for him or her to take a quick breath of air. Do not be fooled: unless you have spent the time to train baby that you will not react to this cry, baby is making this sound because he or she knows you have reacted to it in the past; and he or she is expecting you to react. If you do not…expect to hear the overtired, uncomfortable, and “damn it, feed me” cry real soon. There are ways to soothe a coo crier, for instance, while driving I now react to Taylor’s cooing by singing a couple of nursery rhymes. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t.

The pain cry: This is an easy one. The cry, a shrieking and ear piercing distress, is panicky, long, loud, and, literally, breathtaking for baby. There are no physical pre-clues or prompts. It is gut wrenching, and it will scare the heck out of you if you do not see it coming. Usually, the physical clues as to what was hurt will manifest itself shortly after the crying begins: touching the hurt area, hiding his or her face (fear), or, in the case of infants, arching of his or her back (internal pains: gas, acid reflux, cold milk, etc.).

The sick cry: This cry often sounds forced, moan-like, and frail. It will be as though baby just does not have the energy to make a real cry. This is a red flag! When accompanied by lethargy, a fever, refusal to eat, and / or diarrhea, take baby’s temperature, pull out your baby medical reference book, and have the pediatrician’s number handy.

Until baby is able to talk or use sign language, his or her crying and what you can pick up from their physical clues is the only way they can communicate to you what they need. It took weeks for my wife and me to begin figuring out the subtleties of the different cries. I estimate we spent tens of dollars throwing away warm formula, because Taylor was not crying for food; and we wasted barely wet diapers, because Taylor was not soiled, before getting a handle on how to decode the cry.

The ability to accurate decipher the five types of crying is not easily acquired. There are days I still frustratingly turn to my wife and say, “I have no idea why she’s crying! You need to take her,” as I walk away for a few minutes. By at least acknowledging there are reasons behind every cry, having the willingness to attempt a diagnosis, and experiencing quite a few successes in those diagnosis, we, as parents, not only have more confidence in our parenting abilities, but Taylor is a happier baby, too.