Decisions.

From the earliest time I can remember in our daughter’s life we’ve consciously made the efforts to allow Taylor choice in the simplest decisions throughout her day: which pair of pants does she want to wear, which pair of boots, shirt. Does she want hair product in her hair, or does she want to put her hair up in a tie. We learned early on that when she made a choice for herself she inexplicably and proudly followed through with her decision. At the same token, when we choose for her, especially those things that she could have chosen herself, we almost always met resistance. One would think this independence gets in the way, especially when one is in a hurry to get out the door to run errand, visit friends, etc. It does. But these short-term, little inconveniences are well worth the frustrations. The older our kids get the more obvious it is that what we do today, consistently, will either help or hinder them in the near and distant future. And that includes allowing them to make their own decisions and allowing them to, within reason, suffer the consequences of making poor choices.

Don’t get me wrong, I want my kids to grow up happy, remain happy throughout their adulthood, and pass their happiness onto future generations. I believe they should have a love, a fear, and possess a healthy knowledge of the Lord. Their salvation is of the up most concern, and so is their understanding of good and evil. How can one possibly understand human nature without a solid understanding of why men are the way they are and do what they do without this basic knowledge? I believe they should respect their minds and bodies. The exercise of one does not cure the squander of the other. I was a typical jock in high school, that is, of course, until I figured out that playing football and / or hockey at the college level will do very little for me in the way of the world. I wasted, literally squandered away three years of free education for what? Nothing. There is no reason why I couldn’t have been sports-minded and academically focused as a freshman, sophomore, and junior instead of being forced to learn to be a student in my first year of college. And I believe my kids need to find mentors, have true friends, and find a spouse they love and who loves them in return. But making these future choices will be up to them, not us. We can’t be by their sides throughout the rest of their lives, nor should we want to. The best we can do for our kids is to teach them when they are young how to make choices and, as hard as it may be, allow them to experience those painful teachable moments all parents dread seeing their children go through.

I heard the other day that the way an eagle teaches their young to fly is to grasp them in their talons, fly way up high in the air, and let them go tumbling down towards the earth. The adults do this over and over and over until the little ones figure out how to fly. There are no instruction manuals; there are no practice runs; there are no wing holding sessions. When it’s time to learn to fly, they fly. No questions. No excuses. What can be learned by this? It’s simple: let them fly. We need to let our kids experience life, make mistakes, and, just as importantly, be nearby to lend a hand before they crash and burn. How else can we expect them to learn, to truly understand the ramifications of poor decisions.

For our kids, making the correct choice, or, more importantly, making the wrong choices and learning from their mistakes happens right now– when they are young and their choices won’t hurt them much, unlike it would as a teenager or young adult if they never learned how to make choices. For example, Taylor hates zipping up her jacket and wearing a hat outside– no matter how cold it is. We’ve tried to fight her on this. We’ve failed, miserably.

She’s three. She is smart enough to know when she’s cold, when her ears hurt from the icy northern breeze and when her chest is breaking out in goose bumps. Instead of arguing with her while she’s getting dressed I now give her options. If she chooses unwisely I remind her of the consequences of, for example, not wearing a hat. These include being cold, coming inside early, and, depending on the temperature, not being allowed outside at all. When she does decide not to wear a hat, which is happening less and less often since I starting doing this, we’ll still go outside and play. Now, instead of carrying her hat and continually asking her, “Do you want to wear your hat?” I place her hat outside by the front door. When she gets cold, no matter where we are playing in the backyard, it is her responsibility to walk across the entire length of the property and put on her own hat. Sounds simple, right? It isn’t. Anyone with kids will tell you that watching their children struggle is not fun at all. It hurts. It hurts a lot. But unless we allow them to make their own decisions, right or wrong, they’ll never learn how to make those future decisions, the ones that really count.

The New Year 2010.

The holidays came; the holidays went. We visited family and friends; family and friends visited with us. Sicknesses came; sicknesses went. These last two months have been a time of give and take, success and setback, love and frustrations. But overall, these last sixty days have been a tremendous blessing towards the peacefulness of our household.

Taylor is fully potty trained. Simon’s taken an interest in potty training. Taylor’s fine motor skills, as demonstrated by her ability and desire to draw within the lines of her coloring books, are developing nicely and at an even pace. Simon’s sense of self, his personality, his fortitude against the sometimes-overbearing temperament of his sister continues to be unbending to her pressing will. Cognitively and physically both children are excelling. Daily, Taylor says the most amazing things. Simon’s vocabulary, while the accumulation of words did stall a little these last couple of months, is back on track and growing rapidly. But more importantly, Taylor and Simon are happy. They laugh. They play. They fight and make up without extensive intervention. In a word, they are well.

Adrianne and I have embarked on a journey of healthy living. We’ve reintroduced physical exercise into our daily routines. We’ve figured out and are determined to struggle through eating healthily, despite the desperate cravings for that twelve-ounce beverage and nacho dinner on Tuesday night. And I’m proud to say that our resolutions are working. Yesterday I counted my eighth pound lost since January 1st. My treadmill “at pace” speed has increased from 4.5 mph to 7 mph. And for the first time in many months my jeans feel comfortable once again.

What does the New Year hold in store for us? I don’t know exactly, but it’s looking good so far.

See you next week.