Routines.

As a stay-at-home father there are days, like today, that I feel like one arm is tied behind my back, one leg is anchored by a lead weight, my cognitive abilities are awash in emotions, and I still have to function as a loving, caring, concerned father and husband who has been tasked with several “must do” errands in and outside of the house until my wife’s reprieve. Thank God for routines.

At one time my wife juggled three responsibilities at once: going to college, working during the weekends, and motherhood, while I taught high school English Monday through Friday. During this time Taylor spent a portion of her waking hours in childcare. This was a time when Taylor was “out of sight, and out of mind” while I was at work. That is not to say I did not think of her and absolutely abhor the idea of a stranger raising our daughter (hence, one of the reasons I’m at-home now), but for five days a week I had a break from the endless and sometimes mundane childrearing regimen. It was only when I began my new career as an at-home father that I realized when it becomes you who is there when your daughter first wakes, it is you who changes, dresses, feeds, plays, reads to, attends to, and places her down for a nap, on top of doing the housecleaning, grocery shopping, and dinner planning and cooking, that you realize there is a lot more that goes on behind the scenes than you first imagined. I have no idea how I would survive my days at home without the structure routines create out of chaos.

It has taken me quite some time to figure out how and why creating routines with my daughter is important. I thought, like many others who have never experienced the joys and headaches of staying at-home with an infant, that, my days would be filled with ample downtime and leisure to work on and complete projects at will. I imagined my mornings lounging on the living room couch, reading an online newspaper, and slowly sipping my coffee, while my contented baby played with her toys at my feet. Well, I wish that dream was a reality. The reality is that a hungry baby wants to be fed, grabs everything in sight (especially, computer screens and coffee mugs!), and demands constant attention after slumbering away ten hours of their night. Without the routines I have established there would be no possible way I could even begin to enjoy some of the downtime that finds its way into my afternoon.

Much like the birth of our daughter, I had no idea what I was to encounter my first few weeks alone with her. I remember journaling “Okay, today is my first day. Now what?” Followed by a list of prospective fun things we could do together like finger painting, visiting a petting zoo, and attending an outdoor concert. However, I quickly determined that a five-month year old does not possess the most rudimentary fine motor skills needed to keep paint off his or her face, the carpet, or the cat. And it takes more than will power and obstinacy to plan a trip or spend several hours away from the convenience of a crib, changing station, running water, a clean carpet, and a variety of toys.

The routines I have established with Taylor are mediocre at best, designed to make it through the day more than optimize our time together, but I’m learning. Most disconcerting for me has been Taylor’s nap and bedtime schedule; they have, therefore, become the two routines I have focused on extensively. Other routines, such as her morning routine, preparing for a car ride routine, and feeding routine make life easier for both of us: For her, she knows what is coming and what to expect. For me, it gives me a quick look into whether or not she is ready to perform the desired task I ask of her. I cannot explain how complementary it is for complete strangers to say, “I can’t believe how calm, peaceful, and happy your baby is. You don’t even have to bribe her to stay quiet!” No, I don’t. She is quiet because she knows it is, for instance, shopping time. She knows because I prepared her for the car ride, prepped her for the hour long grocery store shuffle, and created a check list so that we can get in and get out of the store as quickly as possible. She is calm and quiet because I have done my part: I changed her before leaving for the store, fed her before entering the store, brought one of her favorite teething toys for her to play with, and she knows as soon as we finish shopping it becomes uninterrupted play time with daddy until mommy gets home.

As we enter the cold season I wonder how it will affect our routines. Already her cheeks are red and chapped by the wind and cold weather from being out on the playground. I imagine over the next few days I’ll begin creating a stricter routine schedule, which details not only household chores but out-of-the-house activities as well, especially since I will be beginning my first online course after the holidays. Routines work. Although they are not as much fun as spur of the moment adventures, they are a necessity to successfully navigate one’s day with a happy baby in tow.